My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
