Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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