Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
