Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
