I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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