I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
