home. puking in laundry basket.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
