nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
