Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
