I will die if light touches me.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
