That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
