I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
