why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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