the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
