when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize