he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
