i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
