so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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