Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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