He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
