I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
