He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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