I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
