i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
