Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Couch. On fire.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
