neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
FUCK WHALES
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