My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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