My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
