is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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