you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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