you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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