My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
