Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
