The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
