I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
