The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
