we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
