And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
