I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Randomize
