We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
