but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
