You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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