K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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