I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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