I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
