Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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