Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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