my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
