he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
