after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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