You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
