I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
