There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
