My underwear smells like fireworks.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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