Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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