just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
