He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
