I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
