Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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