The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
