either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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