Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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