peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish they made helmets for livers.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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